Trains

Today I was struck by the realization that my current "spiritual state" is pretty ironic. I am at a Christian college and I feel totally isolated from God. I feel like He and I are on parallel train tracks, and I keep looking in the distance and thinking that they converge sometime. I can hear Him telling me that my track ends and I need to jump on His train right quick, but as I reach my hand over through the window, I can't quite grab His, and I'm getting scared because we're going so fast.

Why is it that knowing I'm hurdling at astronomical speed toward a fatal crash is less scary than just jumping trains? I think I feel I'm safe because I'm heading in the same direction as God. I'm not saying that I'm not a Christian, I am. I believe in Jesus as my Lord and Savior. It just sounds like so much work to completely and fearlessly jump trains. Plus I feel like there's so much riding on MY train. I definitely can't take it all with me- I wouldn't be able to jump then- in fact, I don't think I can take any of it. But I don't want it to end up in a lonely and forgotten pile at the end of the track, either.