Trains

Today I was struck by the realization that my current "spiritual state" is pretty ironic. I am at a Christian college and I feel totally isolated from God. I feel like He and I are on parallel train tracks, and I keep looking in the distance and thinking that they converge sometime. I can hear Him telling me that my track ends and I need to jump on His train right quick, but as I reach my hand over through the window, I can't quite grab His, and I'm getting scared because we're going so fast.

Why is it that knowing I'm hurdling at astronomical speed toward a fatal crash is less scary than just jumping trains? I think I feel I'm safe because I'm heading in the same direction as God. I'm not saying that I'm not a Christian, I am. I believe in Jesus as my Lord and Savior. It just sounds like so much work to completely and fearlessly jump trains. Plus I feel like there's so much riding on MY train. I definitely can't take it all with me- I wouldn't be able to jump then- in fact, I don't think I can take any of it. But I don't want it to end up in a lonely and forgotten pile at the end of the track, either.

The Start of Something New

Being unable to come up with a satisfactory cliche or pun for the title of this blog, I decided to go with Jibberish for now. I felt it was an appropriate warning to whoever might happen across this page and think that I have truly meaningful things to say: I don't. I am struck by the urge to blog today, I had some fairly profound thoughts earlier when I was trying to do some devotions, and I thought that they were worth throwing out there. But we'll get to that in a minute. I probably won't be possessed by this urge again for a while, so I figured I would take advantage of it while it lasts.

To those of you who are already confused, I'm sorry, it won't get much better, or make much more sense. If you want to read something coherent, I would try my older posts, which were assigned for a wonderful class on C.S. Lewis. Now HE has written some cool stuff.

Anyway, I should be doing literally a thousand other things right now. I have 3 pen pals that I owe each of them a letter, homework, laundry, and a sad roommate that I should be comforting, not to mention this blog still needs a legitimate name. But I am not doing this to complain in a public forum, so I will shut up and get to the point.

"Motivation" Integrative Essay

Much of what we have talked about in class has related to the motivation behind how we choose to act. Right thinking does not always mean right living, but right living does not always mean right thinking either. In the articles we have read by C.S Lewis, and well as Engaging God’s World, by Cornelius Plantinga, we have learned how wrong motives can lead to detrimental side effects. We see this in our relationships with God, and with other people, in our education, the way we argue, and even simply obeying rules in general. No matter how hard we strive to live perfectly according to God’s laws, we are not going to be able to do it. Should this lead to frustration and defeat? Certainly not. But it should lead to careful reflection about the intentions of our hearts as we do our best to please our Maker. It is wise to consider how the motives behind our actions affect every area of our lives.

People often see Christianity as simply a list of rules- rules that God calls us to obey, but they argue that it is impossible and unreasonable for us to follow them all. In light of this, we should also evaluate the reasons why we choose to try to obey the rules that God has given us. Plantinga takes up this debate in chapter 4 of Engaging God’s World. The chapter is appropriately titled “Redemption”, and it essentially speaks of the need for us to see God’s commands in a different light. Plantinga points out that the rules God has given us are not a contract. They are not a condition to which God says “If you obey these, I will give you salvation”. The Israelites, for example, were given the Ten Commandments after they were delivered from slavery, not before (Plantinga 75). We, too, are given the instructions of Jesus from the gospels after He died for us. God’s commands are not conditional. There are consequences when we do not obey them, but mostly it is things that we bring on ourselves; sin wreaks its own havoc in our lives. Instead, God’s commands are guidelines to give His people freedom to the fullest extent, to help them flourish, to work towards shalom. God knows that we can never obey His commands perfectly, but it still honors Him to see us try. Martin Luther said, “Good works are not the cause, but the fruit of righteousness” (Plantinga 94). Our acts of obedience should not be motivated by a fear of the consequences for disobeying them, or even by a longing for rewards or recognition. Our obedience is a humble love-offering to God. Through obedience we communicate that we acknowledge that God knows better than we do.

Another popular idea today is that it is much better to simply create your own rules and morality to live by. Lewis argues against this perspective in his lecture “The Poison of Subjectivism”, by saying “This whole attempt to jettison traditional values as something subjective and to substitute a new scheme of values for them is wrong” (Lewis, “Poison” 2). We cannot make our own moral systems; it is like trying to enthrone our own logic. The very idea of subjectivism reveals our motives: they are thoroughly selfish and egocentric in nature. When we try to create our own laws, we are essentially telling God that we think we can do His job better than He can, and that we think our lives will be better off when we determine what we are going to do. When we put it like this, it seems ridiculous that anything would persuade us to try to do this. But that is how deeply our sinful nature runs in us. Plantinga says that when we place our faith in nature or in ourselves instead of God, the results are always disastrous (Plantinga 67).

Our discussion of motives also becomes very applicable when we consider why we interact with others in the way that we do. In class, we saw two examples of this. The first was our discussion of the chapter entitled Eros from Lewis’ book The Four Loves. This chapter discussed our motivations in romantic love: whether we pursue the warm, fuzzy feeling of “falling in love” (Eros), or the deep and real commitment of “being in love”. Lewis talks about how it is so tempting to idolize Eros himself, chasing after feelings and forgetting about the commitment that real love requires. He warns against using this motivation by saying, “When natural things look almost divine, the demoniac is just round the corner” (Lewis, “Eros” 144). It is never good to be motivated by Eros on a pedestal, because he does indeed look almost divine. But we know that true and real love sees Eros as only a part of the game, a part that needs to be controlled with a healthy dose of commitment. Lewis says, “It is we who must labour to bring our daily life into even closer accordance with what glimpses have revealed. We must do the works of Eros when Eros is not present” (159).

We must also think about our relationships with others in the context of our circles of acquaintances. Lewis refers to these as “Inner Rings” in his lecture to the students at the University of London. (Lewis, “Inner Ring”). Often, in our interactions with other people, we are motivated by the desire to get “in”. To be seen by others as part of an elite group or a certain circle. Because of this we manipulate, and attempt to control others to gain acceptance into their groups. Plantinga says that the purpose of acquiring skills should be to increase the amount of Shalom in the world, not be to impress the less skillful, or even to become more employable (Plantinga 131). But so often, this is why we do things. We strive to impress others, to make them jealous, to show that we can do something that they cannot, or that we are better than them in some way. Lewis says, “I must not as whether you have derived actual pleasure from the loneliness and humiliation of the outsiders” (“Inner Ring”). The desire to be accepted into these rings is not only dangerous and destructive, it is also addicting. Lewis draws an analogy between this and piercing through the layers of an onion. Just as there are many many layers, there is ring after ring to become a part of. And at the center, there is nothing but a wasted life and broken relationships. “Unless you take measures to prevent it, this desire is going to be one of the chief motives of your life”, Lewis warns (“Inner Ring”). In both love and work, we must see other people as immortal beings, created by God in His own image, and treat them as such. Lewis makes this point in his sermon “The Weight of Glory”, where he says, “All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities… that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics” (Lewis, “Weight”).

Our motives will also invariably affect the way that we approach our jobs. Plantinga highlights this by saying that the emphasis should be on “how you will do your job,” not which job we end up doing (Plantinga 117). Right now, we are students, called to Calvin College by a God who tells us, “For I know the plans I have for you” (Jeremiah 29:11). So just as we should approach a job with pure and right motives, we must try our very hardest to approach our education with the same reasons. It is not so much what college we go to, or even that we are at college at all. These are the “which job?” questions that Plantinga says are not to be our main focus. It is easy to be motivated by the grades, the degrees, the “right major”, or the “dream job”. But, as Christians, we are called to higher motivations than these. In his lecture “Learning in War-Time”, C.S. Lewis answers the deep questions that many of us have asked of ourselves. Why are we spending time learning when there is a world in desperate need of Jesus out there? Lewis puts it this way, “all our merely natural activities will be accepted, if they are offered to God, even the humblest: and all of them, even the noblest, will be sinful if they are not” (Lewis “Learning”). Our learning is to be motivated by humble obedience to God- appreciation for what He has created and what we can learn from it, and desire to be the best person that we can: the person that God is shaping us into. Lewis says in “Our English Syllabus”, “The student is, or ought to be, a young man [or woman] who is already beginning to follow learning for its own sake” (Lewis, “Syllabus” 85). In “Learning in War-Time”, however, he takes is advice one step further. “I mean the pursuit of knowledge and beauty, in a sense, for their own sake, but in a sense which does not exclude their being for God’s sake” (Lewis “Learning”). God has blessed us with the wonderful institution of Calvin College, and a world of learning at our finger tips. We will only truly make the most of this gift if we are motivated by our love of learning and the One who created us with the ability to learn.

Plantinga says that “Our sense of God runs in us like a stream” (7). We know, deep down, that we are created beings, with the unique desire and ability to offer our efforts to God. We can do nothing on our own, but through Christ we can humbly offer our actions to God. Our obedience, our relationships, our interactions with others, even our approach to education can and should be motivated by our love and gratitude to God. Our logo here at Calvin states “My heart I offer you Lord- promptly and sincerely.” It is important to remember that throughout our lives, we should be searching for ways to set our motives right- to remind ourselves that in all things, our actions should come from a heart that is offered to God.

Works Cited

Lewis, C.S. The Four Loves: Eros. ©Helen Joy Lewis. 1960.

Lewis, C S. "The Inner Ring." University of London. 1944. Lecture.

Lewis, C.S. “Learning in War-Time.” Church of St. Mary the Virgin, Oxford. 1939. Lecture.

Lewis, C.S. “Our English Syllabus.” Oxford University Press. 1939. Print.

Lewis, C.S. “The Poison of Subjectivism”. From Christian Reflections. 1967.

Lewis, C.S. “The Weight of Glory.” Church of St. Mary the Virgin, Oxford. 1942. Lecture.

Plantinga, Cornelius Jr. Engaging God's Word. Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdman's Publishing Co. ,

2002. Print

The Problem of Pain

"But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin" says C.S Lewis, in the poem As The Ruins Fall. Our pain is so closely linked with our own fallen, sinful nature. From the poem, this line is Lewis' confession that when he tries to do things on his own, his sinful nature restricts him to being able to do nothing. This is so true of myself as well. Even when I think I am getting somewhere in life, when I start to feel that I have really accomplished something all by myself, I am usually humbled by the magnitude of my own failure.

Even when it is simply the failure to do anything with perfect humility. In this chapter, Lewis says, "But to surrender a self-will inflamed and swollen with years of usurpation is a kind of death." No matter what, when our pride or our will is broken, it will always be painful. This happens to us all the time- I hate to admit that I am wrong, that I have the wrong attitude, or that what I want is in contrast to what God wants for me. Lewis compares it to breaking a child's will in education. You do this out of love for the child. Even when they throw their wildest tantrums, you must not give in because the child has to learn that he will not always get his way in life. I picture God as a gentle teacher, breaking our will because we feel that we have such a strong hold on it. I wanted so badly to go to University of Michigan law school, and when I got accepted, I felt that the door was open for me. But pretty soon things started to go wrong with my plan. The financial aid wasn't there, the school didn't feel right; I felt like an excited puppy on a short leash. It seems silly, now that I see that He was pulling me towards Calvin the whole time.

Even as I write this, I think "how can I complain about the supposed pain that a college decision caused me?" But I guess my point is that each little time that our wills are broken is a little bit of pain- and it only reminds me of our fallen nature, because if we were not sinful beings, our wills would always be in line with God's, and pain would not be needed as a fundamental contrast to Shalom.

Man or Rabbit?

The part of this essay "Man or Rabbit?" that stuck out to me the most was the following: "But to the Christian, individuals are more important, for they live eternally; and races civilizations and the like, are in comparison the creatures of a day." This reminds me of the Weight of Glory were Lewis warns us that "it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit- immortal horrors or everlasting splendours." This is actually something I have never thought about before reading these essays. Why should races and categorizations of people matter so much when they will only exist while we are here on earth, but we will continue to be around for eternity? It makes our divisions into "popular" vs. "unpopular" or "attractive" vs. "unattractive" seem so silly!

This works into our conclusions about "The Inner Ring" too. Why should it matter what rings we are a part of or what rings others are not a part of ? This is the wrong attitude. This is the attitude that says our lives are simply blips on a grand spectrum of history and time. The right attitude says that even civilization, history, and time are simply blips on the grand spectrum of eternity. This should make us take our actions much more seriously, and see the importance of our day-to-day interactions with other people.

When talking about the difference between rejecting God because of honest error or dishonest error, Lewis says this: "But to evade the Son of Man, to look the other way, to pretend you haven't noticed, to become suddenly absorbed in something on the other side of the street... this is a different matter." In light of how we ourselves are immortal, our decisions and actions are really eternal as well. It is so much more dangerous to reject God once we have heard His message and felt His pull on our hearts. This too reminds me of the letter from Screwtape Letters that tells us how the road to Hell is so often gradual. Our rejection of God can be gradual too- simply allowing ourselves to be distracted, to turn the other way, to disobey God’s instructions in our lives. Each little step that pulls us away from God is a gradual foot slide on the slippery slope down.

The Inner Ring

While reading this essay on the Inner Ring, I appreciated the way that Lewis pointed out that the pursuit of constant acceptance into rings is often tiresome. I compare it to running on a treadmill, where no matter how long or fast you run, you still don't really get anywhere. You feel like you are getting somewhere for awhile because it takes so much effort and energy. But really we are just peeling back layers, or running over the same strip of rubber the whole time. Lewis puts it this way, "It is tiring and unhealthy to lose your Saturday afternoons: but to have them free because you don't matter, that is much worse." We constantly talk of "being involved", of doing different things, making friends, etc. We spend so much time doing so many different things, no wonder we are stressed out and overwhelmed! And for what? To say that we are balanced, well-rounded individuals? This may be true in a sense, but when we grind our teeth or find ourselves bedridden from what started as a basic cold virus, it becomes vital to re-evaluate our priorities.

This is true of friendships, too. So often I find myself going out with a big group of friends, most who are not really close friends, doing things I don't really care to do and spending money that I don't necessarily have. Then I say I don't have the money to go get coffee and catch up with a true friend that I haven't seen in ages, or I don't have the time to sit and reply to a letter from my accountability partner, who truly loves and cares about me! Lewis says, "And if in your spare time you consort simply with the people you like, you will again find that you have come unawares to a real inside: that you are indeed snug and safe at the centre of something which, seen from without, would look exactly like an Inner Ring....This is friendship." All this reminds me of the excerpt we read from Screwtape Letters, where the Screwtape says, "You can make him waste his time not only in conversations he enjoys with people whom he likes, but in conversations with those he cares nothing about on subjects that bore him." This is what we constantly do to get into Inner Rings. It is important to recognize what a waste of time that this truly is.

Plantinga Chapter 5: Vocation in the Kingdom of God

As I have been reading through Plantinga's book so far, I found myself agreeing with the majority of what he has said, and appreciating the clarity with which he says it. But this chapter did not go down as easily as the others for me. It is hard for me to be critical of writing; I have a deep appreciation for people who can write their thoughts and make others understand them. But this chapter of Plantinga's book disturbed me to the point that I feel I must be critical of it.

I took a class my senior year of high school that very thoroughly covered the topic of vocation using the book Total Truth by Nancy Pearcey. We also talked about vocation during a week of Prelude here at Calvin. These two times interested me and reassured me about God's plans for the lives of His followers and His desire for us to participate in a vocation that honors Him. I appreciated and agreed with many of the points that Plantinga made in this sense. However, I felt that he wrote with an air of superiority in this chapter that would offend any non-Christians and even some Christians who do not happen to be Reformed. My first example of this is on page 109, where he asserts that "Working in the kingdom is our way of life. And many followers have concluded that we need powerful Christian education to learn how to serve the kingdom most intelligently." Even if this were true, and there were not countless examples of people who did not receive a Christian education and are most intelligently serving the kingdom (which there are), I would still say that one should have the tact not to say that sort of thing out loud, much less in a book, and I might add that I would be ashamed for even thinking this way. Not that a Christian education doesn't help you better serve the kingdom; I am just saying that an attitude that pridefully says that "I can serve the kingdom better than you because I went to a Christian high school or college" is both sinful and wrong in my opinion.

I could go on with the examples where I felt that Plantinga wrote with an offensive air of superiority, but I know that this is beside the point. Sometimes we must simply dig deeper and keep the truth in some things. One point that I appreciated from the chapter was his discussion of simply going with the flow and not taking the time or effort to avoid "absorbing the views of the world" and being aware of the differences between our faith and what we are learning. Sometimes it is important to look critically at the things that we are being spoon fed and compare them to the highest authority, the Bible. Plantiga warns against this danger when he says, "such students will be busy with a hundred other things and won't take the time or spend the effort to sort out the good from the evil." I hope and pray that I will be able to resist the temptation to be this kind of student.