Even when it is simply the failure to do anything with perfect humility. In this chapter, Lewis says, "But to surrender a self-will inflamed and swollen with years of usurpation is a kind of death." No matter what, when our pride or our will is broken, it will always be painful. This happens to us all the time- I hate to admit that I am wrong, that I have the wrong attitude, or that what I want is in contrast to what God wants for me. Lewis compares it to breaking a child's will in education. You do this out of love for the child. Even when they throw their wildest tantrums, you must not give in because the child has to learn that he will not always get his way in life. I picture God as a gentle teacher, breaking our will because we feel that we have such a strong hold on it. I wanted so badly to go to University of Michigan law school, and when I got accepted, I felt that the door was open for me. But pretty soon things started to go wrong with my plan. The financial aid wasn't there, the school didn't feel right; I felt like an excited puppy on a short leash. It seems silly, now that I see that He was pulling me towards Calvin the whole time.
Even as I write this, I think "how can I complain about the supposed pain that a college decision caused me?" But I guess my point is that each little time that our wills are broken is a little bit of pain- and it only reminds me of our fallen nature, because if we were not sinful beings, our wills would always be in line with God's, and pain would not be needed as a fundamental contrast to Shalom.
It's definitely interesting that while we are going through a trying situation, we can't always see God's will, but once we are through that situation and on the other side of it, we can see exactly what God was doing was to prosper us. I have had a similar experience to the one you wrote about, except you were able to listen to God's call before you got to U of M, whereas it took me 3 miserable semesters at the wrong school and 6 months living on my own on the opposite side of the country before I finally got to Calvin!
ReplyDeletePain is God's way of drawing us back to Himself. It is amazing how I (with my stubborn will) am the root cause of much of the pain that I face. While God's Word teaches that Christians will suffer persecution for the sake of Christ, we would all have a lot less suffering to go through if we simply obeyed His will.
ReplyDeleteI liked the quote you had from Lewis's poem. I also struggle with giving up my own plans to listen to what God is trying to tell me. All these things that happen are intended to improve our walk with the Lord.
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