The Four Loves: Eros

The whole time I was reading this chapter on Eros, I kept coming back to chick flicks. Movies in which the guy and the girl somehow overcome "obstacles" and ignore all reason and reality in pursuit of Eros. The movies follow their journeys of falling in love and then end before they have to remain in love. Somehow, I simultaneously love and hate these movies. The idea that the state of falling in love never turns into simply "being in love" is appealing. But wishful thinking aside, we know that it's unrealistic. Even family relationships and friendships have their emotional ups and downs.

Take, for example, the story of Pride and Prejudice. I am a sucker for all things Jane Austen, but in light of Lewis' discussion of Eros, I have taken a new critical view of this classic story. Lewis makes the point about how lovers will often decide to be unhappy as long as they are together, rather than happy or whole when they are apart. Pride and Prejudice confirms this. Elizabeth is completely repulsed by the behavior and superior air of Mr. Darcy. She cannot stand him, and she even remarks that he is the last person in the world that she would marry. She receives an offer of marriage from a sensible choice; someone who would make an excellent partner. The book and the movie both teach us to despise this person simply because Elizabeth is "not in love" with him. But when Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy "fall in love", our hearts are warmed, and we agree that they should definitely be married. Even though there is no evidence that their personalities are compatible, or even that either of them have overcome their pride or their prejudice.

Lewis says, "They expected that mere feeling would do for them, and permanently, all that was necessary." The story ends before their marriage starts- before they reach any bumps in the road. It just reminds me how, even still today, we often put Eros on a pedestal, and say that once you find it, you must do anything to keep it. I was even convinced that it is always best that people who have "fallen in love" should always stay together, because this is what chick flicks told me. "Falling in love" seemed perfect. But to be perfect is to be divine, and C.S Lewis warns against this when he says, "when natural things look most divine, the demoniac is just round the corner." Seeing Eros as divine is dangerous territory.

So what does he suggest? Lewis points out that "falling in love" is the easy part, and "being in love" is much harder. It is a daily choice. You have to be dedicated to it, and don't expect Eros to be on your side or to be present permanently. So what about the main characters of Pride and Prejudice or the Notebook (where it is perfectly acceptable for the main character to cheat on her fiance and have sex before marriage because she ran in to her "soulmate", who she thought was dead)? How do we tell them that "Eros, or himself, will never be enough and will indeed survive only in so far as he is continually chastened and corroborated by higher principles"? We cannot tell them. But we can remind ourselves, and also remember that Eros is not our highest pursuit here.

Lewis says, "this programme, modest as it sounds, will not be carried out except by humility, charity, and divine grace." And this is true no matter how many chick flicks, Frank Sinatra songs, or romance novels tell us otherwise.